so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
