everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Boobs are out for the taking
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
