God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
