i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
