It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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