You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
