New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
