The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I would fuck him just for his dog
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
