I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
