Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
