Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
