y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
