He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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