just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
