It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
