if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
