apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
