It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
