Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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