Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
