Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
