:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
