Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
