your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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