Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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