I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
