took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize