She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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