if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
