I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
