he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
high people should be assigned attendants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
