these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
