Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize