when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
