I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
