you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
