he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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