i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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