My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i believe in u and ur pee
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
