Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
