is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize