I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
