just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
