so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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