Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize