come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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