so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
