playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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