Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
