census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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