youre lurking in front of me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
