I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
