He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
