Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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