Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
