i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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