Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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