Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize