It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
