their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
