Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
