I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
