remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
