She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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