Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
