the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
