I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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