I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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