My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
