hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
