After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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