On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
