The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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