Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
