Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
