I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How does one acquire holy water?
I want to fling myself into the sun
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
