Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pop tarts are not kleenex
vagina is talking i cant
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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