Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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