I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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