Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
