Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
3pm strippers are depressing
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
