I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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