one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
