you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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