we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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